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| POSTED BY: CATLADY on 10/23/2009 20:48:37 |
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Americans Who Choose Not to Have Children 
Courtesy of Andie East
By Amy Levin-EpsteinWhen most people think of the changing American family, they probably consider the rise in divorce and single-parent families. But according to author Laura Scott, another trend among American couples is to have no children at all -- and not because they can't have them, but because they don't want them. She outlines this phenomenon in her new book, "Two is Enough: A Couple's Guide to Living Childless By Choice."The book is partly based on her own experience. Scott, pictured above with her husband Robert, has been married for 21 years and has no children, but despite inaccurate media claims, not having kids isn't the highlight of her life, but as she explained in a blog post responding to the Daily Mail's false reporting, she does believe "women who remain childless often experience a higher level of marital satisfaction than do mothers of small children." In addition to thinking about her own reasons to not raise a family with her husband, she conducted three years of research, including an online survey of 171 self-described "childless by choice" people and in-depth interviews with 30 couples. While she interviewed some singles, her focus was on couples because, traditionally, people expect couples to have kids.
But not every household hears the pitter-patter of little feet. In 1976, 10 percent of American women between the ages of 40 and 44 had no children (by choice or by circumstance). By 2006, that number had doubled to one in five, or 20 percent. While clearer studies haven't been done to separate the reasons of choice versus circumstance, Scott says "to assume that all couples will be parents is unrealistic." Here are the realities she did find while writing her book.
AOL Health: How did you come up with the concept for this book?
Laura Scott: I was working as a writer and journalist and screenwriter, and came across "The Childless Revolution," by Madelyn Cain. It was mostly about women who were childless by circumstance. I realized that there wasn't a lot out there that had been written about people who intentionally remained childless. [For me] that maternal instinct never kicked in. And I thought, are we right to believe that all women will have this instinct to have a child?
AOL Health: How did you and your husband agree not to have kids together?
Scott: We as a couple would check in with each other periodically. Five or six years would go by and we would say, "Do we want children?" The answer was always "no." It is a process. It's important for couples to have the conversation early, before marriage. If you don't agree on childlessness, it can be a deal-breaker.
AOL Health: Do you think your partnership is stronger without kids?
Scott: Yes, I think it is in some respects, because we have more time to focus on each other. Women [like me and those interviewed] really appreciate the fact that they have quality time with their husbands and they can build a really strong relationship because frankly that's all [couples like us] have. We're a family of two.
AOL Health: What are some major myths associated with childless couples?
Scott: I think the biggest misconception is that those who are childless by choice don't like children. I interviewed a lot of teachers and people who had jobs that happily put them into daily contact with children, so I don't think that holds water at all. Another myth is that we're going to regret the decision we've made. You make this choice and you live with it, and you build your life around it. I [also] think there is an assumption that people make this choice because they had a terrible childhood. A lot of people said, "I had a great childhood."
AOL Health: Do economics play a factor in this trend?
Scott: We're dealing with a lot of issues as a society right now [like the recession] that make remaining child-free a legitimate option for couples. I think economics plays a huge part because it causes us to postpone childbearing. The longer you postpone, the fertility window for women shrinks. Things fill the gap, like jobs and leisure interests and then ... you might get comfortable in a family of two. One of the biggest motives [in my researching] for both men and women was that they love their life the way it is, and having children won't enhance it.
AOL Health: How much do you think the media plays into the myth that every couple wants kids?
Scott: A lot of celebrities give us the impression that life was miserable before kids. In every magazine we see "bump" alerts, celebrities being photographed in their seventh or eighth month [of pregnancy] or with toddlers in hand. There are some women [who read these magazines] who are childless by circumstance in their 30s and 40s, and want to believe that this option is still open to them, even though they've postponed childhood for 20 years. We didn't see a lot of new moms at age 40 years ago. And the fact that some of these women are doing it as singletons -- that's news. But those that remain childless by choice don't make the news. I like Rachael Ray. She's one of the childless role models we have.
AOL Health: What's one drawback to being childless by choice?
Scott: When you get into your 30s and you're the only person in your peer group who doesn't have a child, it can be socially isolating. [Potential friends] are focused on their children and their social circle is comprised of other parents.
AOL Health: Were your parents freaked out by the prospect of no grandkids?
Scott: I told my mother when I was 15 that I didn't want to have children. She thought maybe I would change my mind. Luckily my parents never really pressured us. That wasn't true of many couples I interviewed.
AOL Health: What have you done that you don't think you would have if you were a mom?
Scott: Writing this book is one thing. [My husband and I] do off-the-beaten-path traveling, which requires physical stamina and some risk to your health. I don't know if I would do that if I was 65 [after raising kids and retiring]. We've also taken huge financial risks as entrepreneurs. We invested in the company my husband works with now and we mortgaged our home to the hilt knowing that if we were to lose it all, it would be just him and me living in a trailer park, and we wouldn't be sacrificing our kids' college funds. |
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SO, THEY HAVE A BIG REASON TO NOT HAVE KIDS.   
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HOWDY YA'LL!
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Its amazing the number of couples that are choosing not to have kids. Wonder though if they suffer some judgement against them for their childless choice?
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Yup! I have a neice in her 30's, don't want any kids! And a lot of the 20-30 age bracket saying the same thing, "No Kids"! My guess is that it could be the couple wants to have their "freedom" to come and go as they please, and it's so expensive having to raise a child. I, too, didn't want children (at first). Later on, I changed my mind, and glad I did!
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Daiseyboo....about me
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| POSTED BY: Xerox on 01/25/2010 11:05:41 |
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By the way, I have a son and was divorced since 2002.. I feel that everyone should not have kids. Why? Because, the economy is very bad and I do not want to see my child suffer without anything to afford.. The world is being too over-populated and it is causing a lot of problems due to food shortage, pollution and employment are on the decline... We need to slow down our human race or otherwise we self destruct ourselves.. 
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Daisey.. I agree that its more of a choice to be childless for freedom as well as not being responsible for another. Xerox.. I disagree that most make a decision for financial reasons. Think of how many poor people have children and the family life is fine and a happy environment even when they do without much. They learn what is really important. I don't think our job market is over saturated with workers but rather that most want the same jobs at one end and are not willing or think the other end is beneath them and their capabilities. Also I'm a tad confused, Xerox. How does your being divorced and having a child pertinent to this posting? Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't it about Americans ( and/ or couples) who choose to be childless? 
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| POSTED BY: Xerox on 01/25/2010 16:11:43 |
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MsOutdoorsLover wrote:
Daisey.. I agree that its more of a choice to be childless for freedom as well as not being responsible for another. Xerox.. I disagree that most make a decision for financial reasons. Think of how many poor people have children and the family life is fine and a happy environment even when they do without much. They learn what is really important. I don't think our job market is over saturated with workers but rather that most want the same jobs at one end and are not willing or think the other end is beneath them and their capabilities. Also I'm a tad confused, Xerox. How does your being divorced and having a child pertinent to this posting? Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't it about Americans ( and/ or couples) who choose to be childless?
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I love my son but it is hard to love the mother of a child... I've appluaded to those couples whom have choosen to be childless... If we don't halt population growth with justice and compassion, it will be done for us by nature, brutally and without pity - and will leave a ravaged world. http://www.overpopulation.org/
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Over population growth depends on the countries. I see overpopulation more in third world countries than places like the USA. Sometimes in third world countries greater value is place on one gender over another so couples will keep having babies until they get the gender they want. Other times is because they don't use or can access birth control.
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The way I see it, if a couple does not want children, then it's their responsibility to make sure they use the proper birth control. Abortion is an option.....some women cannot do it, so they give the child to the state to raise. And in many cases, couples or unwed mothers have children, then decide they don't want them.....throw them away like garbage. I've seen so many beautiful children at the Home Society and Orphanages and foster homes. I also have and adopted 3 of these children, all brothers and boys. Their parents? Drug addicts, they were neglected....parents choosing drugs over feeding their kids. I feel it's imperative for a couple to make a solid decision between each other whether they want children or not. Some people are just not cut out to be parents! And I do applaud those couples that make a wise decision whether to have or not to have children, and stick with it. It's their choice.
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Daiseyboo....about me
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Xerox wrote:
By the way, I have a son and was divorced since 2002.. I feel that everyone should not have kids. Why? Because, the economy is very bad and I do not want to see my child suffer without anything to afford.. The world is being too over-populated and it is causing a lot of problems due to food shortage, pollution and employment are on the decline... We need to slow down our human race or otherwise we self destruct ourselves.. Totally agreed with you...I have one daughter...I wouldnt want another baby into this world..Like u said...ECONOMY is very bad !! not only that..Alot is happening in this world...I understand where youre coming from :-)
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