By Ina Laughing Winds M.A. M.F.C.C.
If she does not like the same things sexually as you like, do not try and change her. It won’t work. If you love oral sex and she is OK with it, after 5 years you will never get head again. If you have a strong sex drive and she does not, she will not develop one with time. She will eventually think you are over sexed and something is wrong with you. Have you tried to wine her, dine her, romance her and nothing works? Everything I have stated in the male perspective is the same for women. If the woman is the more open and sexual one in the partnership, she too will be sexually frustrated.
How do you resolve sexual incompatibility when:
One, it use to be great and now it is not.
Two it was never that good.
Three you love her/him but there is no sex life.
Four, you have given up trying to talk about it.
Five, you do not know if you want to deal with it because you have been taking care of your intimacy needs elsewhere, and she/he likes sex, unlike your partner.
Why is it so difficult to talk openly and honestly about sex and one’s sexual needs? If you have not established this intimate type of conversation even after 30 years of a committed relationship talking about S E X can be one of the most difficult topics to broach.
Why should you risk the wrath of your partner? Are you looking at weeks of the cold shoulder if you bring it up one more time? Are you afraid of divorce and do not want to upset the apple cart? Are you willing to never have your sexual needs met? Are you a martyr, stoic in your sexual deprivation? Have you realized that you probably have another 25 to 30 years to live, Without Sex or Intimacy! Have you thought about having an affair or have you had one and will take it to your grave before hurting your partner?
Why is it more prevalent to have an affair, to lie and cheat then to speak to your partner and ask for one of two things? You both educate yourself sexually and reawakened your intimacy and sexual passion for each other OR you allow your partner to be sexual outside the relationship with full knowledge, safe sex practices and honesty.
It is difficult to challenge the values you were raised with. It takes an individual to free think outside the social, religious and political box. Establishing a healthy loving relationship takes maturity, good communication skills, and the willingness to grow and change and spiritually evolve. This may or may not look like something you are familiar with. Bottom line is you and your partner will become closer for having gone through the healing crises that honest talk usually invokes. OR you will separate which brings a crises that will allow you to establish an honest relationship with yourself and future lover whom you will choose carefully to be sure they love the same things sexually that you do.
